submitted by Kgirl

I wish to preface this discussion by saying I love my husband. Deeply. I wouldn't trade him for another. He is truly my best friend and has stood by me always. The issue I want to discuss and the question I want answered is, what happened to the really romantic guy I married some twenty years ago? The guy is still here, but the romantic part of him left a long time ago.
When I ask him why he is no longer romantic, he seems clueless and lost as if I brought up a whole new concept. I remind him of the many wonderfully romantic things he once did and all the beautiful letters and notes he once wrote that I have carefully saved. I mean this man truly wrote some of the most beautiful things you could imagine.
I have read somewhere before that when a man is trying to win a woman's heart, he throws his whole heart into it until he conquers and wins that which he is seeking and fighting for. Then he marries her and he is victorious. He no longer has to pursue her. Oh, he might stay with it for a few years until the babies are born. Then he has to conquer the working world to provide for his bride and children. And after awhile, the cares of work, family, church and everyday life take it's toll on him. He settles into life as he now knows it, and takes for granted that his wife will know how he feels about her since he expressed his love for her in such grandiose fashion during their courtship and early marriage. Can anyone relate?
Meanwhile, his bride thrived and blossomed on the love he showered upon her in those early days. She felt truly cherished. Then, pregnancies, parenting, and everyday life began to take it's toll on her. She begins to notice that she is getting older and the cute shape she once had is getting a little lumpier and rounder and her face is starting to wrinkle ever so slightly. She tries to take care of herself so she looks as pretty as she once did, but age is a cruel enemy. She wonders if he even finds her attractive anymore. She hates how crabby she gets some days after dealing with the kids all day and she wonders if she is still a fun and interesting person. In fact, she wonders if her only worth is in the clothes she gets washed, the groceries she shops for, and the hot meal she puts on the table each night.
I know that love deepens through the years and matures and a couple won't always feel "giddy in love" 100% of the time like when love was new. I can account for that. I am realistic. I don't expect my husband to leave me love notes and flowers everyday. But, what I am saying is a woman never wants her man to stop pursuing her. Even though the wedding has taken place and many years have passed, she wants to know she is still a treasure worth having.

Sugar Coating Makes Me Gag

Submitted by Slartibartfast

My mother is the champion of the Understatement. For once, just once, I would love to get a straight-down-the-line, dinky-di, absolute truth answer rather than the surface sugar-coated blather that is most often dished out.

I am not, by my very nature, a negative person and I don’t automatically see the ‘bad’ in everything. But sure as shit, sometimes there is bad stuff happening (or about to happen) and I would just like to know about it.

Take, for instance, the impending birth of my first child. You would think my mother, who had gone through it twice before, would at least give me a hint as to what I was about to experience. And it’s not as if I didn’t ask for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

But no.

She dodged. She weaved. She sidestepped. And in the end, I gave up. All I got was “mumble, mumble, mumble ... but at the end you have a beautiful baby and it makes it all worthwhile”. I really should have grabbed her by the lapels and screamed “Makes all WHAT worthwhile? So, is it going to hurt really bad, Mum?? Am I going to embarrass myself? What should I be looking out for?”. But I didn’t. I realised she didn’t want to talk about it so I let it go.

And that was fine. Until the day after the birth, when she came to visit her first grandchild and leaned over and said to me “Hurts like a bitch, doesn’t it?” and proceeded to give me ALL the information I had so desperately wanted – no, needed - before the event.

OH. MY. GOD.

So it’s not like she didn’t know or couldn’t remember. She waved away my expletive with the reasoning that she didn’t want to scare me. Heelllooooo. Crazed information gatherer here!! I fear only that which I don’t know!!

Oh wait, It gets better.

Because there’s that whole “Heart Incident” thing with my father. Not a Heart Attack, oh no no no! Silly me. The phone conversation went something like this:

“Oh no, dear, it was a heart incident. Your father didn’t actually die so that’s the difference. [insert high pitched questioning over phone from daughter] Oh, well, yes there have been some signs over the past few months. [more high pitched noise] Well, his cholesterol was up a bit. (A bit? Try 9.2 when warning range is 5.5) I didn’t want to worry you, darling, that’s why we didn’t say anything ... and it’s no big deal now. He has two stents ... well, yes, they had to put two in because it would seem both arteries were pretty clogged ...I’m sorry, darling but can you lower your tone a little? It’s a bit screechy. Are you feeling alright?”

And so on and so forth.

“Your fathers’ not feeling very well” =“His depression is hitting new lows. Now he just lies in bed all day long in the foetal position”
“ I haven’t been too healthy lately” = “Uh-oh, it would seem I have developed Type 2 diabetes”
“Your grandfather has had a little accident” = “He broke his hip. He’s 82. It’s a corkscrew break so not so easy to fix”

See, the trouble is we don’t live close by so I can’t just ‘pop’ over and do a reconnaissance for myself. I am relying on her to give me accurate information regarding the health and general wellbeing of herself, my father and anyone else in the family.

Now that you have the background, you can imagine the warning bells going off in my head as my father talks to me on the phone the other day about having lost ‘ a little weight’. He is fighting prostate cancer and the last time I saw him, he wasn’t carrying any extra around with him. He states that he’s down to 64 kg (141 lbs). That’s ‘pretty light’ for a man 1.76m (5' 9")tall (oh hell – it’s 4 kg lighter than me. There. I said it. And to be honest, that was what freaked me out the most. My Daddy weighing less than me.)

But of course, after I got a little panicky and left a message on Mum’s phone and sent an email saying “Whenever you need help with him, call me and I will be right there”, I get a reassuring email and a phone call to say it’s just been a series of unfortunate circumstances and he is feeling much better and put on a whole ½ kilo from actually eating the night before.

Oh please.
Please.
PLEASE let her be telling me the open, honest-to-goodness truth for once ...

*DISCLAIMER: I love my Mum so very much. I think she is a top chick and a good-lookin’ sheila to boot. And those rose-coloured glasses do go so well with her beautiful skin ...

What Is Unbloggable In Your Life?

It doesn't have to be a long story. It doesn't have to be funny or sad or politically relevant. It just has to be something that you can't put on your own blog.

Put it here instead.

Because you have thoughts. You have feelings. You have in-laws.

Share them here.

Send submissions to cantblogit@gmail.com

Seriously - What Is She Thinking?

submitted by Savannah

I have recently started hanging with a new group of moms. Our kids are all on the same team and so we are frequently thrown together in school gyms making small talk and getting to know each other. Mostly this has been a good experience. I like knowing the parents of my daughter's friends - it helps me keep tabs on her.

There is one mom though . . . well I guess she's nice enough but I barely know her and TWICE now she has told me in detail all about how her daughter was a "mistake" resulting from a one night stand with a man she barely knew.

In fact, she tells this story all the time, to anyone who will listen. It does not even matter to her if her daughter or the other girls are in earshot.

I can't imagine why she does this. Is it for attention? Does she think she's being funny? Is she trying to explain why her daughter looks nothing like her?

To be fair, it doesn't look like it bothers her daughter and she does seem to be a confident kid. But:
1) It can't be good for her self-image to have her mom telling this story over and over to EVERYONE.
2) It's not anybody's business.
3) Even if it were anyone's business, there are nicer ways to tell the story without using the word "mistake" and giving details of your sex life.

Maybe some day I'll know this lady well enough to say something to her, but maybe not. Because right now I am just trying to avoid her and hope I don't hear anything else I don't want to know!

My Top 10 Parenting Gripes

submitted by Carter

1. Parents who allow their 3 year old to walk around with a pacifier sticking out of their mouth. Now if a doctor says that a bottle needs to vanish around their first birthday, shouldn't a plug? How does a child to learn to talk if they have a binkie in their mouth 24/7? Not to mention, it just looks weird!

2. Parents who give unwanted advice on how to potty train a toddler when their child is an infant and they've never attempted it before. This to me is like seeking a marriage counselor's advice who has never tried matrimony.

3. Parents who actively involve their children in adult types of views and decisions. This goes for parents who think it's appropriate to let a five year old watch a Chuckie movie to a parent who thinks it's acceptable to have their eight year old hold a bloody anti-abortion sign. Kids need to be kids! Do we want them to have anxiety and nightmares?

4. Parents who allow their children to have their own television in their bedroom. Don't they see enough tv anyway? I don't know how a parent could possibly monitor a child's bed time or even know what their child watches? They could be watching "Chuckie" for pete's sake!

5. Parents who laugh at their child's naughty, but oh, so cute behavior. Really, this is not so cute when they turn five and enter school. This also goes along with parents who allow their children to talk back. Parents need to know that if a child talks back to them, the child will also talk back to any adult. Respect for elders needs to be instilled at home. This is something that is too late to teach in school.

6. Parents who dress their identical twins in matching outfits all the time. Okay...this is petty to complain about, but I know I wouldn't like to look exactly like someone else, let alone dress like them. Poor kids..they need their own identity! This also goes for parents who name their kids rhyming or similar sounding names...like Kim and Jim or Veronica and Monica.

7. Parents who allow their children to dress however they like. Now, I don't have a problem with mismatched socks and clothing that doesn't look good together. I am talking about the child who chooses not to wear a winter coat in January, wears winter books in July or sports an outfit that looks like something a call girl would wear. I am all about creating identities (like I mentioned earlier), but some times parents need to act as such and put their foot down.

8. Parents who allow their teenagers to drive four-wheelers on city streets. I almost hit one of these kids a few years ago on an ice covered street. These kids thought it was fun to slide around on these "go carts", but with how low to the ground they sit and no helmets, they almost met their match. If it's illegal, be the parent and say "no". I can't imagine kids being able to purchase something of this type of expense on their own without parent funding.

9. Parents who bribe their children with outlandish gifts for "good behavior". I once heard a parent of a four year old say that if their child was good for a week, they'd pay him $40 for acceptable behavior at preschool. I looked at them baffled and they said, "Well, it's cheaper than a trip to Chuck E. Cheese." This child is now in second grade and I wonder how much his "behavior" is costing them? What happened to be good because it's expected?

10. Parents who think that a book called Babywise is the cure-all to perfect parenting. There is no book out there that tells you what to do for every child. All children are different and need to be treated as such. Good common sense and this list here is really all you need to know! :)

How Do You Open A Present?

submitted by The Frumious Bandersnatch

How should present opening be done? I think that there a two ways to do it.

The Sedate Method - The lone celebrant (B-Days etc) opens their gifts one by one making sure to let any witnesses 'oo' and 'ah' over it. For holidays you can go around the circle and everyone can open one at a time.
OR
The Chaos Method - Everyone rips and shreds open packages at random and them as you bask in the glow of all of your treasure, you try to remember who gave you what.

I prefer Chaos while my MIL goes for Sedate which isn't a big deal except for the extra rules that she has for present openings.

For your amusement - here are the rules and how my family is attempting to invite chaos to the party.

Rule #1- Scissors must me used the score the tape so that wrapping paper can be re-used. All tissue paper must be saved. She actually gasped out loud during my bridal shower when I literally ripped open a present.

In response, I refuse to use anything other than gift bags for all of our presents these days which she then feels obligate to reuse, omitting the need for wrapping paper.

Rule #2- There is an order for all the presents to be opened and only my MIL knows it so we must wait to be given a present and then wait for permission to open it. During the holidays it could go like this - I open one, then she does, then my FIL, then me again, then my husband and FIL at the same time . . .you get the idea.

For this I adore the fact that we now have a toddler. Our lovely child refuses to accept this rule and is determined to open whatever package is the shiniest, see what's inside, then toss aside the box and move on.

Rule #3- Pause after opening each gift so that MIL can explain why she felt you had to have this gift, how hard it was to find the right one, and how she imagines you can use it to save the world. Most of these stories are written down on a keepsake card in iambic pentameter and attached to the gift for us to keep forever and ever.

Again, toddler to the rescue! There is nothing quite as amusing to me as watching my MIL try to pull our toddler onto her lap to tell her a story, or read her a poem while the big shiny presents under the tree are calling out like sirens to sailors.

So the next time you go to open a present, I ask this of you.
Please think of my plight, give a little giggle, then shred the wrapping paper to the imaginary gasps of my MIL.

The Frumious Bandersnatch.

P.S. ALL of this is literally true. There have been no exaggerations.

Submit

So . . . . what did you do this weekend? Cleaning, cooking, running errands . . . oh and there was that dinner party with your friends where that guy who always goes on and on and on about politics nearly drove you out of your mind.

You need to vent. This is the place to do it.

Or maybe you're totally struggling with a relationship decision and you need some feedback but you don't dare post on your blog or even tell your friends. Tell us all about it. We're here for you.

Send your posts to cantblogit@gmail.com. Use a pen name and it will post here.

And don't forget to tell your friends about The Unbloggable Blog Collective. The more the merrier. Increased readership means increased comments.

Don't we all just looooove comments?

That Woman

submitted by Savannah


I do volunteer work for various organizations. No matter the cause or the committee, one thing remains consistent: somewhere along the line, I will have to work with That Woman.

Through the years, different people have played the role of That Woman. But since I was a teenager, there is nearly always someone who fits the description. That Woman looooooves to be in charge. She loves the power of telling people what to do. She sends out highly detailed e-mails listing who does what, when and how. And really, this is a good thing. That Woman is efficient and good at her job. She's just really mean about it.

That Woman spends a lot of time moaning about all she has to do and how no one helps her. She talks about how certain people don't pull their weight. Usually why they aren't in the room. My current That Woman also enjoys telling the juicy details of slackers lives. She acts like she does this so that we'll be more understanding as to why these people can't "pull their weight" but really - she's mean.

That Woman completely misses the point of volunteerism. People give what they can. Some volunteers have the time and resources to give a lot, others can only give a little. The point is that they ARE giving. That Woman acting like the volunteer police doesn't inspire them to give more - it just makes them avoid it in the future because she has made the whole experience so unpleasant.

If It's YOUR Big Day, Why Does It Look Like Everyone Else's?

Submitted by Kgirl

Has anybody else noticed the lack of variety in wedding dresses? This is beginning to really bug me. Have you checked out your local paper to look at wedding announcements or attended a wedding in the last five years? Absolutely every last bride has the same gown on, give or take a few minor details. Each and everyone of them has on a strapless gown. Now, you ask me why do you care? It's really none of your business anyway. I know, I know, but that is why I am writing this on the Unbloggable, to unload this opinion. Before you tell me to get a life, here's my beef about it:
Whatever happened to individuality? Whatever happened to finding that one perfect dress that wasn't being worn by every other bride in town? Somehow, all of that is gone because every bride regardless of size, shape, personality, lifestyle and budget is somehow magically drawn to that strapless gown. I know that wedding dress styles go through stages and dresses can be defined by the decade they were worn in, but dear people this fad has gone on for some time now and I am wondering if it will ever change. Someone start something new. Start the new trend.
Recent brides, what am I missing? And to those yet to pick out that once in a lifetime dress, I would love to see something different, something unique to your personality and tastes. And, if it is the strapless style you just have to have, and I am at your big event. Well, rest assured, I'll smile and tell you, "Oh my, what a beautiful dress."

Unbloggable Reader Question

Unbloggable received this question yesterday:

"I was just wondering... are names changed to protect the "innocent"? Anonymous entries don't mean anything if someone gets to the site somehow and is like,"Hey, that's my boys they're talking about!" You know? Just wondering, because of that last post. :)

That is an excellent question. Here is the answer:

Yes, I am working with submitters in changing names and other identifying details to protect identities. Because it's true - there's no point in having an anonymous pen name if the details of the post peg the author's identity.

So if you submit something here - and you should! - I will first check to see if you changed details yourself (wouldn't it be hiLARious if I inadvertently changed them back? No?) and then work with you to make sure everything is as non-identifying as possible.

Also, did I mention that you get to pick a pen name? How fun is that? It can be just a normal name that isn't your own. Like Kimberly. I've always thought it would be fun to be a Kimberly. Or a completely fun name like The Frumious Bandersnatch from earlier this week.

The important thing is that you keep those stories coming in. Because that which can't be blogged is the most interesting stuff of all. Just e-mail me at cantblogit@gmail.com and I'll get them up here!

As Unlike As Sisters Can Be

submitted by Finch.

So, my sister is a follower of my blog but I am dying to vent about her ridiculous parenting skills.

She tells me last weekend that she bought some obnoxious Tshirts for her teenagers (15 and 17) that say something like "save the boobies" or "I love boobies" with a sort of pink, breast cancer emblem-trying to mimic it or something. I am not entirely sure what they look like but I could not even fake interest in it with her on the phone when she was telling me about it. There is SO much wrong with that.

Honestly, I struggle with her "style" of parenting in general. And this is no surprise because we have been total opposites since the day we were born 18 months apart. I have learned to love her despite our lifelong differences, but when it comes to our kids, it is more difficult. My two little boys just adore her boys-maybe a little too much. Last weekend, the youngest of her 3, Luke, spent the weekend with us. He is now cultivating this "boarder dude" look and wearing totally inappropriate death rock concert Tshirts. He is a sweet kid, but this street thug look he has with the long hair, clown shoes and dirty looking jeans just doesn' fly. And my 6 year old, Michael, wants to look just like him. I realize that most 12 year old boys go through stuff like this but I am not ready for it with my 7 year old.

I also notice that none of the three of her kids do very well in school. I am starting to think my 7 year old can read and write about as well as any of her boys- @12, 15, and 17. I do't' blame them-she was the world's worst student, and it seems nothing has changed in her role as a parent of students. You would think her lack of discipline and compliance as a teenager having really hurt her later in life would serve as an example of how NOT to raise your kids, but instead, she goes to heavy metal concerts with them and hangs out in mosh pits. She bought the two older ones condoms, and she has no idea what is going on with them and their schoolwork. It's so irritating.

All this adds up to some serious friction between Michael, my husband and me. Michael does not understand why it is undesirable to have Luke's life. He thinks he should get to go to public school were there is no dress code and ride a bus and not have to play sports. I know someday Michael will realize that he was in fact the lucky one-having gone to private schools and gotten to play sports all the time. My sisters's kids would tell you that they would trade in a minute.

My husband and I talk about limiting the amount of time our kids get to spend with hers but I feel guilty about it. I grew up with zero family, and we always felt so alienated around cousins and aunts and uncles. I know my kids will eventually get exposed to people who have it better and worse than they do. Not to mention, I don't know how to explain it to my kids or my nephews. Any suggestions?

Toilet Etiquette

submitted by
The Frumious Bandersnatch

Why upon getting engaged did the communication "DO NOT CROSS" line disappear for my mother-in-law? Shortly after my husband popped the question, my MIL thought it would be a good time to regale me with her digestive woes, while in the stalls, with other people in the public bathroom.

Is there a place on the internet that talks about toilet etiquette that I can reference? Here seems as good a place as any to start one.


"The rules as related to public bathrooms."

Rule #1: NO talking through doors. Not even if you think you are your friend are the only two people in the bathroom. Exceptions should be made for parents with small children, but try to keep the questions to "Are you done yet?" "Do you need some help?" or "Unlock this door!"

Rule #2: Don't you dare take an active electronic item into the bathroom. No computers and for heaven's sake DO NOT ANSWER YOUR PHONE! My sister related a story of someone doing a job interview in the stall next to her at her office. (And yes the interview was for a different company.)

Rule #3: Make sure your toilet flushes. If it doesn't flush, notify someone. (Don't be embarrassed! You can ask them if they were aware a toilet doesn't flush, you don't have to confess to being the person who used it!)

Sub-Rule #3.1 - If icky toilet water splashed on the seat after you flush, be responsible and wipe it off, that's what the trash can in the stall is there for.

Rule #4: If the stall is out of toilet paper, you are morally obligated to tell the next person looking for a stall so that they don't go through the same experience.

Rule #5: Make sure your paper towel ends up in the trash can.

Rule #6: Do not prop open the door. Yes, you may think it is more hygienic to not have to touch the door handle after you have washed your hands, but there may be someone else in the bathroom who would prefer to not have the entire area outside hear what's going on.

Sub-Rule #6.1 - Do not have conversations with the door to the bathroom propped open.

Rule #7: If you decide to make a lagoon out of the sink area while washing your hands, please be nice and wipe it up once you are done. Lesson learned, be neater next time.

Entries Coming In!

I'm so excited! I've received my first unbloggable entries, but still need more. Surely y'all have a little something to share. Like the annoying person in the next cubicle who blows their nose every 3.8 minutes. Or the way your boss thinks you don't know she leaves for a massage every Wednesday at 3:00, telling you it's an "important off-site meeting." What about the time your next door neighbor's child started a fight with your kid and . . .

Well you see? There's a lot in life that is unbloggable.

I'll start posting them next week.

This is fun. :)

Dare To Blog The Unbloggable

I am just dying to blog about the funniest thing that happened last weekend. But I can't do it on my own blog. I also can't tell you half the stuff my kids do because they would kill me. Or anything that happens at work because it would get me fired. Also, there are key relationships in my life about which I do not blog because I would like those relationships to remain key.

I'm guessing you have similar issues on your blog. Or maybe you don't have a blog, but you do have a story. You can participate too.

So I am launching this site for you, me . . . anyone with a story to tell who needs to do it anonymously.

I'm hoping to get some submissions in the next few days to get the ball rolling.