submitted by Kgirl

I wish to preface this discussion by saying I love my husband. Deeply. I wouldn't trade him for another. He is truly my best friend and has stood by me always. The issue I want to discuss and the question I want answered is, what happened to the really romantic guy I married some twenty years ago? The guy is still here, but the romantic part of him left a long time ago.
When I ask him why he is no longer romantic, he seems clueless and lost as if I brought up a whole new concept. I remind him of the many wonderfully romantic things he once did and all the beautiful letters and notes he once wrote that I have carefully saved. I mean this man truly wrote some of the most beautiful things you could imagine.
I have read somewhere before that when a man is trying to win a woman's heart, he throws his whole heart into it until he conquers and wins that which he is seeking and fighting for. Then he marries her and he is victorious. He no longer has to pursue her. Oh, he might stay with it for a few years until the babies are born. Then he has to conquer the working world to provide for his bride and children. And after awhile, the cares of work, family, church and everyday life take it's toll on him. He settles into life as he now knows it, and takes for granted that his wife will know how he feels about her since he expressed his love for her in such grandiose fashion during their courtship and early marriage. Can anyone relate?
Meanwhile, his bride thrived and blossomed on the love he showered upon her in those early days. She felt truly cherished. Then, pregnancies, parenting, and everyday life began to take it's toll on her. She begins to notice that she is getting older and the cute shape she once had is getting a little lumpier and rounder and her face is starting to wrinkle ever so slightly. She tries to take care of herself so she looks as pretty as she once did, but age is a cruel enemy. She wonders if he even finds her attractive anymore. She hates how crabby she gets some days after dealing with the kids all day and she wonders if she is still a fun and interesting person. In fact, she wonders if her only worth is in the clothes she gets washed, the groceries she shops for, and the hot meal she puts on the table each night.
I know that love deepens through the years and matures and a couple won't always feel "giddy in love" 100% of the time like when love was new. I can account for that. I am realistic. I don't expect my husband to leave me love notes and flowers everyday. But, what I am saying is a woman never wants her man to stop pursuing her. Even though the wedding has taken place and many years have passed, she wants to know she is still a treasure worth having.

Sugar Coating Makes Me Gag

Submitted by Slartibartfast

My mother is the champion of the Understatement. For once, just once, I would love to get a straight-down-the-line, dinky-di, absolute truth answer rather than the surface sugar-coated blather that is most often dished out.

I am not, by my very nature, a negative person and I don’t automatically see the ‘bad’ in everything. But sure as shit, sometimes there is bad stuff happening (or about to happen) and I would just like to know about it.

Take, for instance, the impending birth of my first child. You would think my mother, who had gone through it twice before, would at least give me a hint as to what I was about to experience. And it’s not as if I didn’t ask for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

But no.

She dodged. She weaved. She sidestepped. And in the end, I gave up. All I got was “mumble, mumble, mumble ... but at the end you have a beautiful baby and it makes it all worthwhile”. I really should have grabbed her by the lapels and screamed “Makes all WHAT worthwhile? So, is it going to hurt really bad, Mum?? Am I going to embarrass myself? What should I be looking out for?”. But I didn’t. I realised she didn’t want to talk about it so I let it go.

And that was fine. Until the day after the birth, when she came to visit her first grandchild and leaned over and said to me “Hurts like a bitch, doesn’t it?” and proceeded to give me ALL the information I had so desperately wanted – no, needed - before the event.

OH. MY. GOD.

So it’s not like she didn’t know or couldn’t remember. She waved away my expletive with the reasoning that she didn’t want to scare me. Heelllooooo. Crazed information gatherer here!! I fear only that which I don’t know!!

Oh wait, It gets better.

Because there’s that whole “Heart Incident” thing with my father. Not a Heart Attack, oh no no no! Silly me. The phone conversation went something like this:

“Oh no, dear, it was a heart incident. Your father didn’t actually die so that’s the difference. [insert high pitched questioning over phone from daughter] Oh, well, yes there have been some signs over the past few months. [more high pitched noise] Well, his cholesterol was up a bit. (A bit? Try 9.2 when warning range is 5.5) I didn’t want to worry you, darling, that’s why we didn’t say anything ... and it’s no big deal now. He has two stents ... well, yes, they had to put two in because it would seem both arteries were pretty clogged ...I’m sorry, darling but can you lower your tone a little? It’s a bit screechy. Are you feeling alright?”

And so on and so forth.

“Your fathers’ not feeling very well” =“His depression is hitting new lows. Now he just lies in bed all day long in the foetal position”
“ I haven’t been too healthy lately” = “Uh-oh, it would seem I have developed Type 2 diabetes”
“Your grandfather has had a little accident” = “He broke his hip. He’s 82. It’s a corkscrew break so not so easy to fix”

See, the trouble is we don’t live close by so I can’t just ‘pop’ over and do a reconnaissance for myself. I am relying on her to give me accurate information regarding the health and general wellbeing of herself, my father and anyone else in the family.

Now that you have the background, you can imagine the warning bells going off in my head as my father talks to me on the phone the other day about having lost ‘ a little weight’. He is fighting prostate cancer and the last time I saw him, he wasn’t carrying any extra around with him. He states that he’s down to 64 kg (141 lbs). That’s ‘pretty light’ for a man 1.76m (5' 9")tall (oh hell – it’s 4 kg lighter than me. There. I said it. And to be honest, that was what freaked me out the most. My Daddy weighing less than me.)

But of course, after I got a little panicky and left a message on Mum’s phone and sent an email saying “Whenever you need help with him, call me and I will be right there”, I get a reassuring email and a phone call to say it’s just been a series of unfortunate circumstances and he is feeling much better and put on a whole ½ kilo from actually eating the night before.

Oh please.
Please.
PLEASE let her be telling me the open, honest-to-goodness truth for once ...

*DISCLAIMER: I love my Mum so very much. I think she is a top chick and a good-lookin’ sheila to boot. And those rose-coloured glasses do go so well with her beautiful skin ...

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Seriously - What Is She Thinking?

submitted by Savannah

I have recently started hanging with a new group of moms. Our kids are all on the same team and so we are frequently thrown together in school gyms making small talk and getting to know each other. Mostly this has been a good experience. I like knowing the parents of my daughter's friends - it helps me keep tabs on her.

There is one mom though . . . well I guess she's nice enough but I barely know her and TWICE now she has told me in detail all about how her daughter was a "mistake" resulting from a one night stand with a man she barely knew.

In fact, she tells this story all the time, to anyone who will listen. It does not even matter to her if her daughter or the other girls are in earshot.

I can't imagine why she does this. Is it for attention? Does she think she's being funny? Is she trying to explain why her daughter looks nothing like her?

To be fair, it doesn't look like it bothers her daughter and she does seem to be a confident kid. But:
1) It can't be good for her self-image to have her mom telling this story over and over to EVERYONE.
2) It's not anybody's business.
3) Even if it were anyone's business, there are nicer ways to tell the story without using the word "mistake" and giving details of your sex life.

Maybe some day I'll know this lady well enough to say something to her, but maybe not. Because right now I am just trying to avoid her and hope I don't hear anything else I don't want to know!

My Top 10 Parenting Gripes

submitted by Carter

1. Parents who allow their 3 year old to walk around with a pacifier sticking out of their mouth. Now if a doctor says that a bottle needs to vanish around their first birthday, shouldn't a plug? How does a child to learn to talk if they have a binkie in their mouth 24/7? Not to mention, it just looks weird!

2. Parents who give unwanted advice on how to potty train a toddler when their child is an infant and they've never attempted it before. This to me is like seeking a marriage counselor's advice who has never tried matrimony.

3. Parents who actively involve their children in adult types of views and decisions. This goes for parents who think it's appropriate to let a five year old watch a Chuckie movie to a parent who thinks it's acceptable to have their eight year old hold a bloody anti-abortion sign. Kids need to be kids! Do we want them to have anxiety and nightmares?

4. Parents who allow their children to have their own television in their bedroom. Don't they see enough tv anyway? I don't know how a parent could possibly monitor a child's bed time or even know what their child watches? They could be watching "Chuckie" for pete's sake!

5. Parents who laugh at their child's naughty, but oh, so cute behavior. Really, this is not so cute when they turn five and enter school. This also goes along with parents who allow their children to talk back. Parents need to know that if a child talks back to them, the child will also talk back to any adult. Respect for elders needs to be instilled at home. This is something that is too late to teach in school.

6. Parents who dress their identical twins in matching outfits all the time. Okay...this is petty to complain about, but I know I wouldn't like to look exactly like someone else, let alone dress like them. Poor kids..they need their own identity! This also goes for parents who name their kids rhyming or similar sounding names...like Kim and Jim or Veronica and Monica.

7. Parents who allow their children to dress however they like. Now, I don't have a problem with mismatched socks and clothing that doesn't look good together. I am talking about the child who chooses not to wear a winter coat in January, wears winter books in July or sports an outfit that looks like something a call girl would wear. I am all about creating identities (like I mentioned earlier), but some times parents need to act as such and put their foot down.

8. Parents who allow their teenagers to drive four-wheelers on city streets. I almost hit one of these kids a few years ago on an ice covered street. These kids thought it was fun to slide around on these "go carts", but with how low to the ground they sit and no helmets, they almost met their match. If it's illegal, be the parent and say "no". I can't imagine kids being able to purchase something of this type of expense on their own without parent funding.

9. Parents who bribe their children with outlandish gifts for "good behavior". I once heard a parent of a four year old say that if their child was good for a week, they'd pay him $40 for acceptable behavior at preschool. I looked at them baffled and they said, "Well, it's cheaper than a trip to Chuck E. Cheese." This child is now in second grade and I wonder how much his "behavior" is costing them? What happened to be good because it's expected?

10. Parents who think that a book called Babywise is the cure-all to perfect parenting. There is no book out there that tells you what to do for every child. All children are different and need to be treated as such. Good common sense and this list here is really all you need to know! :)

How Do You Open A Present?

submitted by The Frumious Bandersnatch

How should present opening be done? I think that there a two ways to do it.

The Sedate Method - The lone celebrant (B-Days etc) opens their gifts one by one making sure to let any witnesses 'oo' and 'ah' over it. For holidays you can go around the circle and everyone can open one at a time.
OR
The Chaos Method - Everyone rips and shreds open packages at random and them as you bask in the glow of all of your treasure, you try to remember who gave you what.

I prefer Chaos while my MIL goes for Sedate which isn't a big deal except for the extra rules that she has for present openings.

For your amusement - here are the rules and how my family is attempting to invite chaos to the party.

Rule #1- Scissors must me used the score the tape so that wrapping paper can be re-used. All tissue paper must be saved. She actually gasped out loud during my bridal shower when I literally ripped open a present.

In response, I refuse to use anything other than gift bags for all of our presents these days which she then feels obligate to reuse, omitting the need for wrapping paper.

Rule #2- There is an order for all the presents to be opened and only my MIL knows it so we must wait to be given a present and then wait for permission to open it. During the holidays it could go like this - I open one, then she does, then my FIL, then me again, then my husband and FIL at the same time . . .you get the idea.

For this I adore the fact that we now have a toddler. Our lovely child refuses to accept this rule and is determined to open whatever package is the shiniest, see what's inside, then toss aside the box and move on.

Rule #3- Pause after opening each gift so that MIL can explain why she felt you had to have this gift, how hard it was to find the right one, and how she imagines you can use it to save the world. Most of these stories are written down on a keepsake card in iambic pentameter and attached to the gift for us to keep forever and ever.

Again, toddler to the rescue! There is nothing quite as amusing to me as watching my MIL try to pull our toddler onto her lap to tell her a story, or read her a poem while the big shiny presents under the tree are calling out like sirens to sailors.

So the next time you go to open a present, I ask this of you.
Please think of my plight, give a little giggle, then shred the wrapping paper to the imaginary gasps of my MIL.

The Frumious Bandersnatch.

P.S. ALL of this is literally true. There have been no exaggerations.

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So . . . . what did you do this weekend? Cleaning, cooking, running errands . . . oh and there was that dinner party with your friends where that guy who always goes on and on and on about politics nearly drove you out of your mind.

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