Life Lessons

submitted by Pony Girl

There are so many life lessons we can teach our kids. Although they probably ride the ATV faster than they should, on the flipside, my youngest is very paranoid if the space heater is anywhere near the bathtub. They buckle their seatbelts religiously, did I tell them not to turn on the cruise control when the road is wet? What about hyrdroplaning. Have I have cautioned them on things like carbon monoxide and schooled them on the small animals most likely to carry rabies? I wonder if they’ll ever be ready for the real world.

I hope that one of the things they will learn and carry forward in life is kindness. Growing up in a small town, I went to school with most of the same kids from Kindergarten through high school. We had the nerds and the jocks, the beauty queens, the popular kids, the pot smokers and the fun crowd. But invariably, there are always kids who get made fun of. And even as a child, I remember feeling sorry for them. I didn’t necessarily invite them into my clique, but tried to be a little nicer one on one. It was the best I could do as a shallow-minded child. As a parent, I’ve tried to direct my kids in that direction, as well. They don’t necessarily have to be friends with everyone, but just be kind.

Throughout the years, I haven’t seen them demonstrate any heroic acts of kindness to their fellow students, but I haven’t heard them necessarily dissing anyone either. My oldest has had a spat or two in the locker room with other boys – not sure who bullied whom, but they served their detentions and moved on. Socially, things seem to run a pretty even keel.

Seventh grade has been tough on Child #2. (Well, maybe not so tough on him as it has been on me!) Adjusting to a larger school where he is not the “cock of the walk” has had been challenging and I believe in his efforts to fit in, he has made some bad choices. He had three behavioral detentions in 2 days, compared to his older brother’s 2 detentions in 4 years! From clowning around to drinking the science experiment, (Huh? Was it toxic? No. Well thank goodness for that!), it cost him participation in his first football game and trust me, that hurt him! A lot. All minor infractions, but at least they set the bar for him and he has been trying to walk the straight and narrow since. Well, until yesterday.

Late in the afternoon, I get an email from one of the priests. The title of the email was “inappropriate language”. Slowly, I open the email and quickly scan for a notice of detention – as one more and he will be off the football team. Whew. No detention. It seemed, however, that a young lady in his class called him a name. He struck back by calling her a name. She then went to the teacher (in tears) and said that my son called her a name. He called her a “douche bag.” (Do you know how thrilled I was getting an email from a priest with “douche bag” quoted in the email? I know I am being paid back for all the things I did to my parents. God help me, this is just the beginning!)

Now to be fair, the priest said that my son probably didn’t know what that meant, so he was not going to give a detention, however, I may want to explain it to him. (Oh, great – I get to have a douche bag conversation with a 12-year-old boy!) But I can handle it. Actually, I’ll have fun with it. I’ll bring up visuals on the internet and tell him what it is for! I’ll embarrass the hell out of him. Again, I am still so grateful for no detention. When I got home, I followed through on the embarrassment, including having him write a letter of apology to the girl in question.

Upon further reflection, I thought about the injured party; the girl who was called a “douche bag”. She is a pre-teen – maybe even thirteen years old; six years from graduating high school. I assume her mom got an email, too, informing her that she called a boy a name. Seems like it might have been appropriate. But, if I were that mom, I would not hold that girl to my bosom and tell her everything is going to be all right and that boy will never hurt you again? Not a chance!

I would tell her “Cowgirl Up, Sweet Cakes! I cannot believe you are almost a teenager and you are still tattle tailing to the teachers about name-calling? You can dish it out but you can’t take it? Still having someone else fight your battles? It’s time to toughen up right now! This may have been the first boy to hurt your feelings, but trust me, it won’t be the last!” Life lesson learned.