How Do You Open A Present?

submitted by The Frumious Bandersnatch

How should present opening be done? I think that there a two ways to do it.

The Sedate Method - The lone celebrant (B-Days etc) opens their gifts one by one making sure to let any witnesses 'oo' and 'ah' over it. For holidays you can go around the circle and everyone can open one at a time.
OR
The Chaos Method - Everyone rips and shreds open packages at random and them as you bask in the glow of all of your treasure, you try to remember who gave you what.

I prefer Chaos while my MIL goes for Sedate which isn't a big deal except for the extra rules that she has for present openings.

For your amusement - here are the rules and how my family is attempting to invite chaos to the party.

Rule #1- Scissors must me used the score the tape so that wrapping paper can be re-used. All tissue paper must be saved. She actually gasped out loud during my bridal shower when I literally ripped open a present.

In response, I refuse to use anything other than gift bags for all of our presents these days which she then feels obligate to reuse, omitting the need for wrapping paper.

Rule #2- There is an order for all the presents to be opened and only my MIL knows it so we must wait to be given a present and then wait for permission to open it. During the holidays it could go like this - I open one, then she does, then my FIL, then me again, then my husband and FIL at the same time . . .you get the idea.

For this I adore the fact that we now have a toddler. Our lovely child refuses to accept this rule and is determined to open whatever package is the shiniest, see what's inside, then toss aside the box and move on.

Rule #3- Pause after opening each gift so that MIL can explain why she felt you had to have this gift, how hard it was to find the right one, and how she imagines you can use it to save the world. Most of these stories are written down on a keepsake card in iambic pentameter and attached to the gift for us to keep forever and ever.

Again, toddler to the rescue! There is nothing quite as amusing to me as watching my MIL try to pull our toddler onto her lap to tell her a story, or read her a poem while the big shiny presents under the tree are calling out like sirens to sailors.

So the next time you go to open a present, I ask this of you.
Please think of my plight, give a little giggle, then shred the wrapping paper to the imaginary gasps of my MIL.

The Frumious Bandersnatch.

P.S. ALL of this is literally true. There have been no exaggerations.